Fot #LupusAwarenessMonth
Many of you might not know what happened to me this last two year because I only update it on Path.
Exactly 2 years ago I got a very terrible headache and fever. I could not move my legs and almost fainted. I was rushed to the hospital at 9 pm. My lab results were ok and there were no sign of any dangerous disease, whatsoever. They assume that it was dengue fever because I had rash all over my hand. I was hospitalized for 5 days, but doctors said to my mom that she suspected an anomaly then I had to move to another hospital.
We ran so many blood tests to find out what’s inside my body. After all those test, I was diagnosed with SLE (Systemic Lupus Erithematosus) - one of the most dangerous autoimmune disease. I must admit, it was a heartbreaking experience, I totally lost the ability to use the left-side of my hand, had to stop my thesis, had to stop working and also couldn't feel the warmth of the sun. I couldn't even smile and oftentimes lost my short term memory. And now, look at me! I am fat, and bald.
After 2 months, I felt the difference. No energy. At all. Only laid on the couch, watched tv, read a book but still feel so tired. As a person, I always have big goals and milestones, but right now I try to make it pretty simple and learned to just do my best everyday to achieve them. For example: I want to be able to hike that mountain peak, or comb out my beautiful hair, or walking under the sun or even have a child. As simple as that. If someday people ask me:
“what are you afraid of?”
Me: “Afraid of not being able to remember what it felt like to feel good"
Afraid of not being there for my family. They have lost me numerous times. Now I have husband, I feel so guilty when I couldn’t prepare his breakfast. I remember he said something:
“If anything happen, it doesn’t change who you are"
But, today I can say that I am grateful that it happened, my lupus was both a curse and a gift to me, He put me in such a my worst condition. He put me at the lowest point, but I always see ways out and solutions. I've learned many things, I was never alone and with everyone's support and cheers, I will get back to normal, and hopefully stronger than ever. That’s what #WomensDay for me, being able to be the same as normal woman and treated as who I was before. As a #LupusFighter who was nearly dead, believe me, life itself is a gift that we should celebrate every single second of it. Just be happy, genuinely happy for what's on your plate right now, and if you can, try to be happy for others too. Love yourself, be healthy. Enough sleep, eat healthy, left unhealthy habit, and do all the things you love. Yeah, people do make mistakes. If you think you have hurt others, please do not wait to ask forgiveness. We will never know that “time”.
Never judge a disability by its visibility, because you are a gift. You are all special.
Better late than never. Celebrating International Women’s Day, here I tell you what’s that #womensday means for me. Many of you might not know what happened to me this last two year because I only update it on Path.
Yes, exactly 2 years ago I got a very terrible headache and fever. I could not move my legs and almost fainted. I was rushed to the hospital at 9 pm. My lab results were ok and there were no sign of any dangerous disease, whatsoever. They assume that it was dengue fever because I had rash all over my hand. I was hospitalized for 5 days, but doctors said to my mom that she suspected an anomaly then I had to move to another hospital.
We ran so many blood tests to find out what’s inside my body. After all those test, I was diagnosed with SLE (Systemic Lupus Erithematosus) - one of the most dangerous autoimmune disease. I must admit, it was a heartbreaking experience, I totally lost the ability to use the left-side of my hand, had to stop my thesis, had to stop working and also couldn't feel the warmth of the sun. I couldn't even smile and oftentimes lost my short term memory. And now, look at me! I am fat, and bald.
After 2 months, I felt the difference. No energy. At all. Only laid on the couch, watched tv, read a book but still feel so tired. As a person, I always have big goals and milestones, but right now I try to make it pretty simple and learned to just do my best everyday to achieve them. For example: I want to be able to hike that mountain peak, or comb out my beautiful hair, or walking under the sun or even have a child. As simple as that. If someday people ask me:
“what are you afraid of?”
Me: “Afraid of not being able to remember what it felt like to feel good"
Afraid of not being there for my family. They have lost me numerous times. Now I have husband, I feel so guilty when I couldn’t prepare his breakfast. I remember he said something:
“If anything happen, it doesn’t change who you are"
But, today I can say that I am grateful that it happened, my lupus was both a curse and a gift to me, He put me in such a my worst condition. He put me at the lowest point, but I always see ways out and solutions. I've learned many things, I was never alone and with everyone's support and cheers, I will get back to normal, and hopefully stronger than ever. That’s what #WomensDay for me, being able to be the same as normal woman and treated as who I was before. As a #LupusFighter who was nearly dead, believe me, life itself is a gift that we should celebrate every single second of it. Just be happy, genuinely happy for what's on your plate right now, and if you can, try to be happy for others too. Love yourself, be healthy. Enough sleep, eat healthy, leave bad habit, and do all the things you love. Yeah, people do make mistakes. If you think you have hurt others, please do not wait to ask forgiveness. We will never know that “time”.
Never judge a disability by its visibility, because you are a gift. You are all special 😁
